Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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