that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
