WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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