you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
