Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
