anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
