and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
