new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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