you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
