The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
