i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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