If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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