it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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