drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
