you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Randomize
