I look better un-naked...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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