i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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