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I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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