i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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