belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
