If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
