Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
