So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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