Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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