What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
