He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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