I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
