thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just puked most of my soul out..
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