Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
