what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
