She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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