i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
