you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
