he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
