dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
