he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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