New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
