She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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