Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
A+ Viking dick
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
