I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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