overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
