It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
