her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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