Kiss
Puke
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Never underestimate the power of titties
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