I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
