Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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