If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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