Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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