Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
