How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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