Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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