Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
