i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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