Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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