She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
