Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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