there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
