READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
