i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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