Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
