I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize