I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
