I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
