I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
