I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
