ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize