Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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